Get this. In some half-baked attempt to “improve” his sexual prowess, this 28–year old went and stuck a metal nut on his schlong. How this was supposed to work is anybody’s guess. But the point is that the guy got well and truly stuck. Couldn’t get it off. Imagine. So off he went to the nearest hospital and there, of course, had to tell the medics what he’d done. He was reluctant to bare all till he got a male intern who, it is said, was “shocked”. More like died laughing, but never mind. Anyway, even that crew couldn’t tug the lug (what, three guys held on and pulled?) so they brought in a team of sawbones. “Hm,” they said, chins in hands, gazing in wonderment at this remarkable thing on the operating table while the rest of the crew rolled around on the floor. Oxyacetylene torch? A metal saw? What other implements did they consider? Meanwhile, the guy’s thingy is, of course, about to get gangrenous because the nut (the metal one not the human with the metal attached) was choking off blood supply. So they considered amputating the whole appendage, which is sort of like throwing the baby out with the bathwater but what to do when baby decides to take a day out?
Here’s the real kicker though. The docs managed to get the nut off though it’s obviously going to be some time before the other nut gets his rocks off. Meanwhile, the intrepid Bombay police have swooped in (what do they call this, the TWAT team?) and summoned Our Hero to “make a statement”. “We wanted to know if someone else had inserted the metal or he had committed the act himself. We will register the matter in our station dairy,” said the on duty police constable, according to the Mid-Day report. Of course no one has any idea what purpose this station diary entry will ever serve but what the hell, it sure sounded like a lot of fun.
“And you did what?”
“I see. And you inserted this, um, metal nut on what?”
“Any idea why?”
“Are you sure there was no one else doing it on you at that time?”
“Did anyone hold a gun to your head and make you do this? If he did is he still alive or has he died laughing?”
“And did you then tighten the nut or have you just got a screw loose?”
