Pratibha Naitthani was at it again the other evening on TV. She really is the most infernal woman. A panel was discussing all this completely pointless brouhaha about the wardrobe malfunctions at recent fashion shows. There was a professor of sociology from Jawharlal Nehru University, a lady from Delhi and Naitthani. If I am not wrong, Naitthani believes there is something like a conspiracy behind these nip-slips. It was deliberate, obscene and — she actually said this — the “woman was stripped naked before the whole country”.  

That is such rubbish. Unfortunately, they don’t follow a multi-disciplinary approach around here, so the good Prof Naitthani being a professor of politics is blissfully ignorant of elementary physics. As last advised, there still is something called gravity. It pulls things down. That includes ill-bolstered tops and too-tight zipper fasteners. But Naitthani will have none of this. She sat there with this smug, condescending look on her visage as if she is the one Person Who Knows. What’s even more surprising is that Professor of Politics is completely oblivious to the lessons of history. Imagine the horror: this woman is in charge of moulding minds.

Naitthani should get some things straight. Nudity is not obscenity. Accidents happen. Life sucks. But none of that gives her the moral — or any other — right to police us. And she is supremely unqualified to judge anything or anyone.

The lady from Delhi made an excellent point, saying this was all disproportionate. She was absolutely right when she said we ought to be focussing on issues that matter like why the Government allows illegal constructions to come up and then goes ahead and demolishes them, but does nothing about the builders who committed the illegalities in the first place. This, of course, Naitthani rubbished by saying it was irrelevant and what really mattered was whether someone’s mammaries (or part thereof) had popped into public view.

The professor from JNU set her right beautifully, I thought, when he said that to say that the model in question had “been stripped naked before the whole nation” was to run down a professional just doing a job. Naitthani’s response was, of course, a vapid smirk. You know what’s really obscene? That’s right: it’s the execrable Pratibha Naitthani. Everything she stands for or professes is abominable and is itself the most obscene thing imaginable.

And yes, that includes even the rantings of Pramod Navalkar. As the Mumbai Mirror puts it:

Mr Pramod Navalkar thrives on publicity, and we would be loath to give him any if his silly pronouncements on the wardrobe malfunction were merely an exercise in throat-clearing.

But when his unthinking babble affects and causes harassment to an entire section of society, we feel compelled to respond. Navalkar’s demand, first for an investigation and then for a re-investigation into the wardrobe malfunction during last week’s Fashion Week shows that he has truly no meaningful issues to raise in the Legislative Council.

His allegation that the malfunction may have been deliberate is objectionable not only because he smells motive in an accident that was distressing for the models concerned, but also because it highlights how obsessed he is with playing Mumbai’s moral papa. If the police inquiry causes further embarassment to the models, it is not his concern. In fact, he could well take malicious delight out of their discomfort and is perfectly capable of asking for a third probe if the second one too exonerates the show’s organisers.

Isn’t the same equally true of every one of the thought-challenged who see filth everywhere? Now that’s a thought: what is it that makes Navalkar, Naitthani et al see life as an envelope of sewage?

Pity for them that we now even have the “official” sanction to the whole imbroglio: it was an accident after all.

Gravity rules, ok.